Thinking Thinking Thinking

I have been wondering how do i really make my self happy? I mean at basic level everything is pretty good. I hear daily these people telling me about there problems, how they doesnt get any attencion from their partner or how they gets hitted by there man, people who are sick and knows allready when they are passing away, But still i keep finding things to complain, i need to respect little things more. I need to find my passion, my hobbie what i start to do, just to be something what will give me more power for daily life.                                I lost all my intreses and future plans in the past years.  I were needed to plan my future and my life but my mind was on something else stupid…..

…..Now i need to but some efford and time to build my own future…. But the question is what do i want to see on that picture of my future, what do i want that i see in my life in 5 years????

Okeij, I am still alive (actually more than before) Yea i havent write here for a while, the reasons are that first off all i broke my laptop and i cant afford to buy new one yeat, but aswell my head have been empty. There have been happening many things what i could write about but i find it really difficult

Anyway lets try:

I am starting to get this nice christmas feeling bit by bit Yeasterday we were arranging the apartment again, we even bought carpet, just to feel bit more home at there. in the end we hanged up this christmas star and that was just perfect at the top :)  I am much more positive in these days and i want to keep my self to believing for my self, guys you dont even know for how many things i am capable of, i just need to find thing what makes me happy. But still searching :))

Yeap, treat other people like you would like to be treated yourself, this is what is in my mind today. Why? becose my weekend really reminded me again how you cant trust other people, they always stabs you on the back… when u really need help, or they owns you something it doesn´t matter.. But anyway i had good weekend beside that i were just home, there was something different in the air, u know what i mean?? Hmmm.. I think it could be that we are just getting to better direction <3 <3

My paige about the school house got a bit stuck, now people doesnt write anything new. And actually i havent even started propaly write about it, i am always so “busy” with other things. Monday i am gonna start it ;D We have to do something for that, i just rememberd today, when i came few times back to the school-house from my holidays, how they was eccusing my family beaten me, only becose i had dry skin, it were winter -24. :) ”U CANT GO ANYMORE THERE becose you get beaten” but this wasn´t the truth, i really had dry skin, this were just reason for them to not get me back for holidays.. So mean i think..

I havent writen for a while i kinfoff losted my inspiration, but it will come back in few days so “E” dont worry ;D ;D ;D

Ma sanoin etta rakastan sinua, haluan aina olla kanssasi, itkin vuoksesi, nauroin vuoksesi, olin valmis tekemaan mita vain vuoksesi ja satutin…

Miksi?? miks ma tein niin?? mokasin kaiken?? Muistan kaikki nuo hetket nauraen yhdessa, tuntien sen rakkauden maaran rinnassa. Hetkellisten olojen vuoksi en ymmartanyt mita tein mitka olisi seuraamukset, pystytko antamaan anteeksi?

Tiedan siita on aikaa kun viimeksi tavattiin, mutta tiedan kun ma taas kohtaan sut mun tunteet tulee takaisin, se ei ollut leikkia, se oli aitoa rakkautta, eika se mihinkaan katoa!!!

ANTEEEKSII, SE EN OLLUT MINA ETTA PETIN, SE EI OLLUT MINA ETTA VALEHTELIN… sain rangaistukseni tuhat kertaa kovempana ja opin siita..

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 i am sorry<3 <3 <3 <3 dont think i am bad person<3 <3

I can imagine all of us felt the pain, when someone of your loved ones sleeps away. Only word what comes in my mind is why?? It were too early,and they were so young…

I thought today, does people after a while kindoff forget these people.. So if you have anyone closed past away give for her/him few quiet minutes, for the memory..   I need to tell today in my mind came my 2 good friends jenni and aku. Other one died drugs and other one killed his self.. Hurts my heart to think about them, bouth of them were only at early twentyes.. It is terrible.. I was gonna wright today something different but thought this is more importante….

I will look up to the stars to night, and i will see your face there,you are always in my heart!!!r.i.p <3 <3 <3 <3

Ma ihan tosissaan mietin miksi elama on niin vaikeaa?! Mulla on ollu tosi vaikeaa mun “avioliiton” jalkeen oppia olemaan yksin nyt olen sen oppinut ja loytanyt myos ihmisen vierelleni, mutta ongelma on etta han valehtelee eika kunnioita minua. Joten miks pistaa energiaa tollaseen parisuhteeseen jos se on alusta asti jo tallaista.

Haluaisin menna takaisin suomeen aloittaa opiskelut ja pistaa tavoittekseni oma itseni ja oma hyva oloni, saisi hoidettua hammaslaakarit ja kaiken muun, taalla se on vahan vaikeampaa koska ei ole mitaan sosiaaliturvaa. Eika mulla ole edes pysyvaa oleskelu lupaa espanjassa valiaikainen vain.

Kerroin eilen aloittaneeni sen sivuston facebookissa limingan koulutuskeskuksen oppilaat, se on alkanu todella hyvin. Mun paa ajatus koko prosessissa on etta ihmiset paasis purkamaan niiden tunteita ja kokemuksia toisten samanlaisten henkiloiden kanssa joskus se on niin vaikeaa kayda lapi asioita mita on tapahtunut lapsuudessa. Ehka me saadaan autettua edes yhtahenkiloa toimillamme Sitten biisi ja kaikennakoista on jo aluilllaan. Mulla henk,kohtasesti on toinenki asia tahtaimessa saada limingan tapahtumat julkisuuteen ehka jopa koko paikka suljettua. Tallakin hetkella siella on nuoria kaymassa lapi samoja pahoja asioita kuin mina ja te muut…

JOTEN EI MUUTA KU RATTAAT PYORIMAAN :)

Yes i feel good now about something!!

We started group at facebook for all the people who have been in he same school house as me.

To write there what ever you feel about that place what ever you went through witht them people, i know there is lot of people out there who still in these days haves hard time to even think about their chilhood.Workes in these places doesnt understand that kid´s haves allready hard time to believe that their parents left them or that they are trying to punish their kids in some other way, normally nobody relly knows what happens behind the gate of Liminka.

I know there is other places where kids has to go true the same, even worst but in finland this is different they says always how finland is welfare state country (hyvinvointivaltio). Politiks says: first priority is to ensure Finland’s welfare and safety and they are telling how reserve money has been used in childrens and youth´s good, but this does not appear anywhere in any way.

But maybe we can together make some kindoff changes?!?

I feel good about the coommunity thing in facebook at least people can share their emotions and experience. we werent all that close back then maybe now its time becose we are not kids anymore. :):)

I had today the weirdest thing ever, i were washing dishes at home my boyfriend were listening some hip-hop music. From the beat i got these deja vu feeling, i felt exactly the same as in my school house years ago, the same feeling when i were there at my up steers room and looking out from the window seeing only fields and few buildings not possible to open the window or the alarm is gonna start to yell.

They were the moust terrible years in my life.Weirdest feeling today like i went to the past for few minutes?!, so yes i crowd up in foster family’s, school houses i went true many things like all of us. But don’t n ever think people who crowd up in these places would be any worst than kids from normal families.        I even say who had tough childhood are gonna be stronger when they are older.

 . For me is just sometimes hard to go true my past.2

I don’t even remember well what happened to me, sometimes i get those deja vu`s and everything just  comes suddenly back to my mind.

This is so weird, but i am doing good now, i started to deal with all them things and talk about everything what happened also this writing helps me much to express my self.

I am asking from you can you imagine where the world is gonna go?

All of us humans, treats eachothers wrong,treats the nature wrong. They crashes so much forests down and we need them,every where is just beton buildings.

 Moust i think about how many crimes and drugs there is, i were reading news and i saw about 10 artikels about how young girls are missing or dead in finland. Finland is not even so big country, how many people lives there? 5 388 417 end of june 2011.

Yeasterday they found 14-years old girls body from the lake, that is terrible…

But aswell i see this same here in spain, we was walking one day at the center of where we live.

It was monday about 14.00 i heard someone yealling and my boyfriend started run after two guys with broken foot and sticks:) These boys robbed old man, he was layig at the middle of street yealling help.

This is what i mean, krises and bad situations all over the world pushes people to do these things, in the end we dont have other opciones. Specially men they are like hunters they hunts for money to get the food to the table

 i know what i am talking about.. lol